Oh, the random analogy I came up with at 1 AM

If theres one thing I've discovered about myself lately, it's that I am a loner. Somehow, I spent the last few months of high school being terrified of losing my friends after we graduated. Yet, I have realized that I am kind of pushing them away. Why is this? Is my fear of losing them making me want some control over the situation? Have I out grown them? Or have they out grown me? Slowly, I see my friends moving on. I see them spending all of there time with people I do not know and do not relate to, instead of desiring to spend any time at all with me. I see them growing in amazing ways, processes that I was not a part of. I see them stretching their lives around so many new things that I do not comprehend. And it scares me. But at the same time, it challenges me; it slaps me in the face; it does not allow me to waver in my indecisiveness. It shoves me over the cliff. I am in free fall, and there is no one beside me. I look up, and at the edge of the cliff I see those people who I thought were my everything, and I ache at the thought of leaving them, but I also shake my fist at them. I look down, towards a great ocean of prosperity and happiness. But to fall into this ocean I must navigate my way past the great, jagged rocks that stick out of the crashing waves and threaten me. I have no idea where I will land. I have no idea if a great gust of wind will push me back towards the cliff. And I do not know if those that I left at the edge of the cliff will jump, and join me. My life is one of a great many unknowns. And I'm horrifically exhilarated by that.