Memories...

There are two things that I have learned about myself in the past two days.

1. I am very sentimental. 2. I am very materialistic.

As for no. 1, I am sure there are many many 18 year olds that are feeling the same way. In 4 days, I will walk out of my house, drive thirty minutes to Lee University, and move in. A tiny, 14 by 16 room will be my home for the next 9 months. I will live with a girl that I have never met, and only spoken to four times. I will share a bathroom with my roommate, and two suitemates, one from New York City, and one from Cleveland, who enjoys hunting. Yay. (I should point out that I'm a vegetarian, as is my roommate. Somehow I don't think we'll be BFFs with our suitemate!)

2. Number 1 is the whole reason that I realized number 2. I have tons of CRAP. Seriously. In my short eighteen years in this room, I have collected a crazy amount of useless stuff. And I like it that way. I doubt I'll ever be one of those minimalistic people who like fung shui and order. I... like disorder. I enjoy throwing my bracelet down on my desk, accidentally knocking it off, and not finding it for 3 months. That's just the way I am. Clutter makes a room feel.... completed. Without clutter, rooms feel like they are just part of a hotel, not really home. Because people collect clutter as they go throughout their lives. There's no denying it, and it's impossible to avoid. And this is where my two realizations about myself collide. Some people realize their materialism, spend a day de-cluttering their home, and move on, feeling better about their nicely organized space. Not me. I hold on to this clutter, not wanting to lose it. It reminds me of the things in my life that have defined me. I have an old, signed ticket from an Eisley concert two years ago sitting in a picture frame that holds a photo of me and one of my bffs, Stephie. This ticket is old, dirty, and smells faintly of disgusting smoke and beer. But it is one of my most treasured items. I still have a Best Buy gift card that I have never used, because it is from a boy that I will probably never completely get over. And I have 2 and a half years worth of Teen Vogues that I refuse to throw in the trash, no matter how many times my mother tries to get me to. I guess that's just who I am.

I think I'm developing a pattern of writing posts at late hours. Maybe that's when I'm psychotic enough to put my views and personal opinions about everything from my life to Sarah Palin online where anyone can read them. BTW, I dislike Sarah Palin. I think she could have had a chance at being beneficial to the U.S. if she had actually learned anything about government beforehand. Now, I just can't get all of those SNL skits out of my head. Well, the skits and the fact that I disagree with a large majority of her opinions. On on somewhat related note, a guy (very cute) came into Smoothie King today. After ordering his smoothie, paying, and saying "Thanks, you have a good day too," he proceeds to tell me, "Vote my dad for judge, Jay Atherton, cause he's a great guy." I have to tell you, if I were voting, I would most definitely not vote for a candidate based on his teenage son's view of him! Well, at least that gave me some interesting ideas about arguing with cute boys in Smoothie Kings about whether or not Republicans have any idea how to run the government. Good times.... On a slightly hilarious note, I have recently discovered Chelsea Lately! This show is.... hilarious. I cannot even explain the hilarity. I can merely show:

This chick makes me hold my stomach and laugh so hard I cry. And on that happy note, I sign off, with a promise to myself that I will keep up this 2 day streak of writing every day. And that I will actually write about things that are interesting to people other than myself. And that they won't all be about how I fear the future.

Oh, the random analogy I came up with at 1 AM

If theres one thing I've discovered about myself lately, it's that I am a loner. Somehow, I spent the last few months of high school being terrified of losing my friends after we graduated. Yet, I have realized that I am kind of pushing them away. Why is this? Is my fear of losing them making me want some control over the situation? Have I out grown them? Or have they out grown me? Slowly, I see my friends moving on. I see them spending all of there time with people I do not know and do not relate to, instead of desiring to spend any time at all with me. I see them growing in amazing ways, processes that I was not a part of. I see them stretching their lives around so many new things that I do not comprehend. And it scares me. But at the same time, it challenges me; it slaps me in the face; it does not allow me to waver in my indecisiveness. It shoves me over the cliff. I am in free fall, and there is no one beside me. I look up, and at the edge of the cliff I see those people who I thought were my everything, and I ache at the thought of leaving them, but I also shake my fist at them. I look down, towards a great ocean of prosperity and happiness. But to fall into this ocean I must navigate my way past the great, jagged rocks that stick out of the crashing waves and threaten me. I have no idea where I will land. I have no idea if a great gust of wind will push me back towards the cliff. And I do not know if those that I left at the edge of the cliff will jump, and join me. My life is one of a great many unknowns. And I'm horrifically exhilarated by that.

I Heart New York!

So sorry I haven't posted in so long! Been sooo busy! The class trip to New York was AMAZING! The city is so diverse and bustling! My THREE graduation ceremonies were kind of heart breaking and uber-exciting all at once! When I finally marched to Pomp and Circumstance I felt like my whole life was open to anything! So now begins the nerve wracking business of getting ready for college. Wow. How crazy is that? I'M GOING TO COLLEGE! But for now I need to worry about finishing my application for the Honors Program. "Write a 300-500 word essay on your experience learning to ride a bike." Seriously? I barely remember that! O well. I'm actually quite good at describing events, writing stories, ect. So it should be fine. However, I am incredibly nervous about attempting to pack my whole life into a tiny dorm room! Luckily my mother is a master organizer, so I will be depending on her for most of that! About to head to work. Oh, the joys of cleaning.

"the future is wide open"

Had a WONDERFUL Friday! School went by surprisingly fast! I also went shopping with one of my friends. So much fun! Then went to Starbucks for a Extra Coffee Caramel Frappaccino! Yum :) I bought two dresses for Graduation! I am so excited, I only have one week left of school! Then class trip to NYC! I have never truly experience New York. Only once have I been, and we spent the entire time shopping in China Town for knockoffs! Which are quite good, actually. But we'll be doing the typical tourist things, of course, like visiting the Statue of Liberty and Top of the Rock. We're also going to see Stomp and the Broadway play the Fantasiks. I cannot wait to spend 5 days just chillin with all of my friends. It's really exactly what I need before going off to college. Even though we'll all be attending colleges within 45 minutes of each other, I know it will be difficult for us to stay as close as we are now. Although my friend Bekah will be going to the same college as me, I will still have to endure the experience of a new place and new people, while dealing with the pressure of college courses, as will all of the class of 2010. However, I know that changes are good for me. It's just a little scary. I suppose the fact that the future is wide open terrifies me the most. I mean, in four years I will be either getting a real job or going to grad school. So much depends on what's happening within the next year! I mean, college is all about finding yourself, right? What if I don't like what I find? Or others don't like it? Somehow, I have come through a tumultuous four years of drama, drama, drama! And I feel like this year has been a year of personal changes regarding my world view, ideology, and theology. I'm not sure I can handle much more change. I suppose many almost high school graduates are feeling this way right now. There is so much rushing at me right now. And despite my complete joy and excitement about getting out of high school and my hometown, I am completely terrified.

"the sum of my entire existence"

PRECAL= DEATH. That is basically the sum of my entire existence right now. But less than 2 weeks till class trip to New York! I'm so excited! But yea, boring day. Went to work at the Cafeteria. Only 31 students came through! During the school year we have an average of 650! So yay for laziness and summer! It can't come quick enough!

"I forgot my umbrella"

So, my school had the junior/senior banquet yesterday! It was... wet. I went to my friend Bekah's house to get ready, and we had an amazing time. Yet, after hours spent getting pretty, we got soaked!! (Yes, those curlers are incredibly uncomfortable.) So the banquet was at the Zoo, and was mostly outdoors. No fun. I forgot my umbrella. And then Bekah's broke. But after we left I gave up on trying to stay dry and just walked through the rain. A group of us went to the cutest little ice cream shop! That was a lot of fun. Probably more fun than the banquet itself. But at least I now have a really good story to tell about banquet! I have to say, I love my friends. They can make even the lamest evening (aka murder mystery banquet at the zoo in the rain) into a great memory!